Wednesday, December 19, 2007

A new spin on T'was A Night Before Christmas

T'was the night before Christmas
And all through the house, not a creature was stirring
even the Dane on the couch

The stockings were hung so frickin' high in the air
In hopes our Dane couldn't get them up there

The neighbors were nestled feeling safe in their beds
While visions of big dogs zoomed in their heads

With gizzards and chicken and bones going SNAP
The dog hoovered dinner and prepared for a nap.

When out from the crate there arose such a clatter
The dog had to go out and empty his bladder

Up from the floor he flew like a flash
He tore out the door and peed on the grass

He stood there so tall with a big head and lips
He blocked out the moon like a total eclipse

When what to my wondering eye should appear
But a miniature sleigh and 8 tiny reindeer

With a little old driver so lively and quick
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick

I yelled to the dog "quick come in Rover"
He ran up the stairs and knocked me right over!

And then in a twinkling I heard on the roof
the prancing and pawing of each little hoof

I got off the floor and held tight to my head
I looked to the chimney with a feeling of dread

He was dressed all in fur from his head to his foot
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot

I had concern for Santa so I put him at sit
St. Nick turned around and said "HOLY poop"

The bundle of toys he dropped at his feet,
He said "OMG, what does he eat?"

"That must be a horse or some form of cattle,
let me look in my bag and find you a saddle!"

I explained to Santa he was a great Dane
A very big dog with a really small brain.

Santa got on his knees and broke a big rule
Before I could stop him, he was covered in drool

"he wouldn't bite, not even a robber"
Santa said okay, but was covered in slobber

Santa laid on the floor all covered in jowl's
I ran to the kitchen to grab him some towels.

Santa said "It's Okay, I am no cleaner,
What a cute dog, but BOY what a leaner!"

We helped Santa up, with his bag made of silk
while dog ate the cookies and knocked over the milk!

He jumped back up, as if preparing to flee
He pulled out the presents to chuck at the tree

He backed up the chimney in a bright flash of red
I ran to my room, Rover beat me to bed!

We heard him mumble as he flew out of site
"That guys' really nice but his Dane's just not right!"